Terrible Two(Month)s

I started the day thinking I would write on the new challenges that have arose with Logan this month only to be struck midday by a meltdown over fear of my own failures and then a reassuring but stern talk from the man who always sees my crises in a more rational light than I do.

Let me explain:
First off, the 2nd-3rd month (week 8 through 12) is already set up for failure with the 2nd month vaccinations. Logan received one orally and then 3 combination vaccines in his legs. Talk about vaccine overload! Although he did much better than I thought he would (thanks to the comforting arms of his daddy), the week after was rough. He didn't eat much (and then would spit up what he did eat), was completely off of his sleep schedule and would wake up screaming bloody murder (which he is still doing from time to time).

But this month has also brought with it some amazingly wonderful events as well: Logan's first real smile that he will continually do when he sees William or me, giggling and cooing (especially in his sleep which is beyond adorable), the ability to grab and hold toys, plastic toy rings, my fingers, my glasses (thanks honey). He can bear weight on his legs for a few seconds (which also means he can stiff-leg us when he is unhappy) and can sit up and lean against me when he's sitting between my legs. So many treasured milestones.

And yet, I continue to beat myself up. Why does it take an hour to get him to sleep for his nap during the day only for him to wake up 10 minutes later? Why isn't he looking and moving his head to the left side when laying down? Why is he tucking his left arm in and not using/grabbing things with it? 

Of course I know why: I did something wrong. I am inadequate at being a mother. These were the toxic thoughts echoing in my head all day as I finally came to the breaking point. And luckily for me, William was there to catch me as I fell. Sensing something was wrong in my texts, he drove home without telling me. He caught me.

Despite what you may have heard, parenting is not easy. Motherhood is not all mini-vans and soccer practices. There are many unknowns.

But here is what I do know: 1) God is watching over this family. 2) I am blessed with a husband who loves me even when I dont deserve it. 3) I have a loving family and caring friends. 

And these are the things I need to dwell on the next time I pace for an hour rocking my precious son to sleep. Things aren't really so terrible after all.