I've Got a Feeling, It's hard to Explain

<p>Some people can smell the coming of a season in the air and it can light a fire in their soul. For some, pencils smell like Fall, fresh flowers or rain like Spring, for others, freshly cut grass is an offering to the Baseball gods and thus a new season is imminent. But there is one season that gets my blood flowing like no other. This particular season bombards each of the five senses until my body practically shudders and I am drawn to that place, that Mecca of escapism, the theater. Fore it has arrived as it has every year previous. It is summer movie season, the greatest season of them all!</p>
<p>I'm not sure I can explain exactly why I love summer movies so much or whether I like the season itself more than the offerings. </p>
<p>There is a certain feeling in the air when that first Friday hits. To me, it's electric. There is a powerful current moving through society that bonds us with an anticipation level so high one can not contain it, rather expression is required, your excitement fuels others. It is the best, most positive chain reaction there is and for one season of the year, no matter who you are, you are likely to find common ground with someone, conversations spring with passion with people otherwise ignored, that love of spectacle. Which is purely what summer films are spectacle.</p>
<p>Originally people considered the summer season a good time for huge movies because people would rather sit in a cold theater than be out and about in the heat. Which is all well and good, but I don't think that is purely the case any more. We've had summer movies going on forty years now, it's turned into a national addiction.</p>
<p>Each May we begin prepping ourselves for the onslaught of maybe quality, but always fun entertainment. Which must release endorphins because lines, no matter how long, never seem that bad, chatty people are never really that loud, and there is a general common enthusiasm that unites everyone. I can't think of one other season, sans Christmas, that people act the way they do. But perhaps you think I'm being hyperbolic or even wearing rose tinted glasses and I'll agree, perhaps. But I will offer you this, try to go to a packed midnight show and not get a pure rush of adrenaline and joy as those lights go down.</p>
<p>I think that congress should go see The Avengers at midnight, I'd bet the next day, despite being tired, they'd get a lot more accomplished. Why? Because when a good summer movie hits it turns you into a kid again, it makes you look up to things that are larger than life, to imagine a world were our enemies are supernatural and&#160;our common trait is that we are merely human. It's beautiful really and a common theme running through summer film, hope. </p>
<p>Summer films do not discriminate. They do not care what color your skin is, they just want you to have a good time and believe in the impossible and to hope. Hope that humans really are one, that common excitement can unite us like no other. Color and creed matter not, only that the air is cool and the speakers are loud.<br>
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The Positive Effects of Minimal Living

Imagine a world where your every move and desire was connected to how much stuff you could own. It might not be hard, it's a side effect of capitalism to an extent. But that was how I used to live. I would literally pay each month just enough on my credit card so I could buy two Blu-Rays a month. I was spending forty ish bucks a month on two items that would sit on my shelf and do little more. Half of the Blu-Rays I own, I've never watched.

But it doesn't stop there, I felt that way about everything. I had to own every book I ever wanted; the library was a four letter word. Often I would get everything I thought I wanted only to fill my Amazon wish list with more. The clicks kept coming but I still felt pretty empty. Why was it that that full bookshelf of movies and books never gave me more than a moments satisfaction?

I was still struggling with this when Faith and I started seeing each other, as I had my whole life. I was always something of a "collector" as it is nicely called but I think it was something worse. I would literally live, in highschool, from Amazon package to Amazon package that would be filled with some used CD that would add to my collection but not help my soul. Marrying Faith and having Logan drastically helped me conquer this addiction.

I used to tell myself, "oh you never know who might want to borrow a movie or something" which is essentially true, I was trying to find a place in this world through my belongings. I would go to forums and look at other people's Blu-Ray collections comparing them to my own. I never uploaded my own pics mostly because I never thought it was enough. I guess 500+ movies wasn't enough. Now I am in no way condemning buying movies or collecting them, I still do it time to time what I suppose I am getting at is that I was searching for identity in possessions.

While Faith was pregnant we decided to start to clean up and live a downscaled life. I was hesitant at first to say the least but when I looked at my collection I was ready to get rid of if all. I hadn't been buying as many movies or books at the time and hadn't even noticed. I wasn't in need of filling my soul with things, I had the love of Faith to get me by. It became easy and I loaded up four bags full of books, movies, and music I didn't need nor any longer want. It didn't feel right anymore and the amount was slightly embarrassing. But I was not free.

I don't know if this small story is just me growing up or me realizing something about life. Which is something that I'm beginning to realize more and more as Faith and I get deeper in love, our faith grows stronger together, and Logan gets older, there is no possession that matters. And I still struggle with it. We recently went to Scripture Haven and I wanted so many books and versions of the bible and I had to stop myself, just because it's not secular doesn't make it better.

It helps me to think about the happiest moments of my life and realize what makes them great. It is never the book but the experience, not the movie but the conversation after. That disc didn't bring me happiness it was what the disc did, bring people together.

I wish I could be forever cured of my material addiction but it's a process and relapse is easy. On bad days I literally want to go blow money to  make myself feel better or surf Amazon for hours; there is a reason it's my home page. But instead I think of all God has given me in life, a great family, a wonderful wife, an amazing son, and suddenly a simple piece of plastic that spends endlessly seems so pointless. I hope when I die I'm remembered in the hearts of loved ones as someone who was a great husband, father, and son; not as the man with the largest collection of stuff. Logan would probably just donate it away anyway.

A Weekend to be Thankful

What a weekend! Let's see, where to begin...


Since it was starting to sprinkle outside, I had the brilliant idea to watch The Day After Tomorrow. I must have tempted fate. As we settled in with our *free* Hungry Howie's pizza, the events on the screen started to get a little too real. Fresh off the heels of a tornado warning last week, we decided to pause the movie thirty minutes in and turn on the local news to see what was going on with this weather. In a matter of minutes we went from a severe thunderstorm warning to a full blown tornado warning. 


I sprang into action. Pillows and sheets in the tub-check. Diapers and boppy-check. Mattress from the spare bedroom-check. All we needed now were the three of us. I got in the tub to nurse Logan to sleep thinking that he would just comply in this emergency situation and fall right on to sleep. Wrong. So wrong. The weather started getting really bad and I kept hearing talk of a reported tornado touchdown on the TV and I started to panic, which if you know anything about babies, when you're scared, they're scared. They have a sixth sense for 100% accurately reading your emotions! So instead of quietly drifting off to sleep, Logan cried. And screamed. And cried some more. I handed him to a calm, collected William, and he instantly calmed down. I seriously need to work on my "mommy-face." Needless to say, we made it out alive with no car or apartment damage (which is more than I can say for the cars in our parking lot that were halfway covered in water with one car even being dragged in the current!) 


And then there is peace after the storm. Such beautiful, radiant peace. 


Saturday we finished the movie, and I have to say that movie has never been so scary. We also had a very productive day! We cleaned the house and took a bunch of movies and books to HalfPrice and got $165 back! I also finished an incredibly inspiring book called Kisses From Katie (you can follow the blog here: http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/). 


Sunday started off with the most delicious muffins of my life- homemade Smores muffins made with love by my one-and-only- and ended with a fun, food-filled Superbowl party at William's mom's house. 


Despite the rough (and terrifying!) start, this weekend has been one of the best on record. So many things to be thankful for. 

Terrible Two(Month)s

I started the day thinking I would write on the new challenges that have arose with Logan this month only to be struck midday by a meltdown over fear of my own failures and then a reassuring but stern talk from the man who always sees my crises in a more rational light than I do.

Let me explain:
First off, the 2nd-3rd month (week 8 through 12) is already set up for failure with the 2nd month vaccinations. Logan received one orally and then 3 combination vaccines in his legs. Talk about vaccine overload! Although he did much better than I thought he would (thanks to the comforting arms of his daddy), the week after was rough. He didn't eat much (and then would spit up what he did eat), was completely off of his sleep schedule and would wake up screaming bloody murder (which he is still doing from time to time).

But this month has also brought with it some amazingly wonderful events as well: Logan's first real smile that he will continually do when he sees William or me, giggling and cooing (especially in his sleep which is beyond adorable), the ability to grab and hold toys, plastic toy rings, my fingers, my glasses (thanks honey). He can bear weight on his legs for a few seconds (which also means he can stiff-leg us when he is unhappy) and can sit up and lean against me when he's sitting between my legs. So many treasured milestones.

And yet, I continue to beat myself up. Why does it take an hour to get him to sleep for his nap during the day only for him to wake up 10 minutes later? Why isn't he looking and moving his head to the left side when laying down? Why is he tucking his left arm in and not using/grabbing things with it? 

Of course I know why: I did something wrong. I am inadequate at being a mother. These were the toxic thoughts echoing in my head all day as I finally came to the breaking point. And luckily for me, William was there to catch me as I fell. Sensing something was wrong in my texts, he drove home without telling me. He caught me.

Despite what you may have heard, parenting is not easy. Motherhood is not all mini-vans and soccer practices. There are many unknowns.

But here is what I do know: 1) God is watching over this family. 2) I am blessed with a husband who loves me even when I dont deserve it. 3) I have a loving family and caring friends. 

And these are the things I need to dwell on the next time I pace for an hour rocking my precious son to sleep. Things aren't really so terrible after all. 

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! We are so excited about 2012!